Dating Advice: Is it chemistry or is it your ego?
October 27, 2009 by admin
Filed under Dating Advice
So many single women and men complain that the people they have chemistry with are the ones that are not available or interested in a relationship with them. I remember being single and thinking, “There is no way I am going to settle. I am not going to date a guy that I am not attracted to just to be in a relationship.” Sound familiar? While I agree that no one should settle, the illusion of chemistry is simply the ego’s way of keeping you away from true love.
The ego’s attraction works with those parts of you that feel the need to be loved or needed, not the part of you that feels confident, whole and complete. The unhealed places in you are always there no matter how much personal growth you have done. You can’t completely rid yourself of ego as long as you are in the human body – or you are some enlightened monk in the mountains. This is the battle you will deal with your entire life – between your divine self and the ego. However, the more you are aware of the divine part of you, the less the ego takes hold and runs your life.
When you meet someone and feel intense emotions, you are actually in fear – the ego’s emotion. This part of you feeds on the fear and creates the illusion of romantic love to keep you hooked into the object of your affection. The reason you are so attracted to the person is because he is not a threat to becoming a real relationship. There is an uncertainty of connection and you are free to love him. The ego’s favorite delusion is filled with all those feelings without the perceived danger of real intimacy. You are drunk with desire.
Far removed from your divine self, you become swallowed up with misplaced passion. Fooled into believing that this other person holds all the joy you can have in life. You put him on a pedestal above others, your friends, family, and maybe even your own children. Feeling separate from him, you cling to every moment together. These emotions are so powerful that the best songs, poems and movies are made based on them. But, it is just a fantasy. Even after he leaves, you are still blinded in the ego’s grip when you have a hard time letting go.
There is a point where you finally have enough of this game. Your divine self cannot stand by and witness one more of your heartaches. This inner power in you starts to emerge and really wants you to be happy and reminds you of your worth. You start to move out of your comfort zone and date people that may not seem your type on the surface. You give someone a chance to love you.
Real love doesn’t feel like chemistry, but rather a warm, soft ocean that you float upon as it carries you. There is definitely connection and attraction but it feels quite different than what you have experienced before. The fear of losing him or losing yourself in him is gone. You feel at home. This love is difficult to describe as if you tried to describe what God feels like. That is the love you deserve.
I find it very interesting that you blame our ego for attraction but how can you recognize the difference ?? I have tried going out with nice guys that I thought attraction could develop but at the end I felt happier on my own that trying make it work with someone with little attraction.Don’t all desire come form Universe and we need to validate these desires ? Can it be that you just haven’t found the right one yet ?
I have friends that felt the great chemistry and are happily married.What about those ? If that is ego that their love isn’t real ?? Love is so much deeper than chemistry but without that strong attraction it can’t start growing.
Very good question. There is a difference between chemistry and connection – I guess it sounds more like semantics but try this on. There are people who confuse unhealthy attraction with love and call it chemistry. If it feels good and mutual, it is a true connection. If there is something off (your inner nudging will know, but most people ignore), you like him but the feeling isn’t mutual, it isn’t really love but the ego clinging to something that keeps you away from love. Your ego won’t be attracted to your true partner.
True, you may not have met the right guy yet. From experience I know that what I feel with my mate is completely different than anything I ever felt before. He is totally opposite of what I dated my whole life. Lots of attraction and fun, exciting romance, but there seemed to be a solid ground to it.
I can’t tell you the difference because it is very subjective. Trust your powerful self and you’ll choose correctly.
I love this conversation. Very juicy!
The surface attraction your married friends feel (chemistry) is of the body and subconscious mind but it is still not love. Your friends have that surface attraction plus a happy relationship on a deep level which is what I think is true love. I believe you can have both but feel many people confuse chemistry with love. I also think that some people have that initial attraction and others create the attraction a few dates down the line.
Believe me, I felt the same way as you. I would rather be alone on a Saturday night than hang out with a guy who I was not attracted to. I think attraction is very important but not to be confused with love. But, many people I have worked with didn’t have the initial attraction in the beginning but now they are wildly attracted and in love with their mate. I think if you visualize yourself with your future mate on a daily basis and how you want to feel, you will be able to recognize what is true love attraction v. surface attraction.