Instant Boyfriend Syndrome

Have you ever been involved with someone after a few dates and suddenly make him an “instant boyfriend” in your mind? Even though you haven’t really made a commitment to each other, you make believe you are already half-way down the aisle to wedded bliss. This behavior can not only lead to pushing the guy away but also a deeper heartache when things don’t work out as planned. Wanting a relationship so bad, you jump ahead in your imagination and leave reality behind. If you are desperate to being loved, you may ignore the other person’s pace which will ultimately move your affair off-track.

Back when I was operating from my old subconscious patterns, I dated a guy long-distance who called me weekly and fed me lines about planning our future together. Although we barely knew each other, I acted as if I was immediately off the market and had no interest in dating anyone else. During that time, this guy did not back up his sweet words with reinforcing actions. With my blinders on, I kept focusing on the time when we would live in the same city and become a real couple, ignoring the fact that we lived 1800 miles apart with no plans of moving closer together. It took a huge blow-off for me to finally wake up from my dream and see the relationship for what it was – a fly-by-night affair and not a lasting partnership.

If you have been victim to falling for the dream instead of the real love, you can shift your behavior by simply asking yourself some direct questions.

1. Is there something about him/her that you are afraid to tell your friends?
2. Has this person directly told you where you stood in relationship or are you making assumptions?
3. Does this person only treat you nice when they want something (including sex)?
4. Do you have those inner nudges of doubt that warn you that he or she isn’t the one?
5. Are you afraid to ask where the relationship is going and content with the fantasy?

Your mind has a way of tricking you into seeing something that you want to appear instead of what is really there. Just like overlooking typos in a document, you may tend to bypass the red flags because you want the outcome to be a certain way with a specific person. What you really desire isn’t a pretend boyfriend but the real deal. So, stop wasting your time on someone who doesn’t want the same as you and hiding out in your fantasy.  You deserve to step out and take a chance with someone who can make your dreams come true.