Instant Boyfriend Syndrome

Have you ever been involved with someone after a few dates and suddenly make him an “instant boyfriend” in your mind? Even though you haven’t really made a commitment to each other, you make believe you are already half-way down the aisle to wedded bliss. This behavior can not only lead to pushing the guy away but also a deeper heartache when things don’t work out as planned. Wanting a relationship so bad, you jump ahead in your imagination and leave reality behind. If you are desperate to being loved, you may ignore the other person’s pace which will ultimately move your affair off-track.

Back when I was operating from my old subconscious patterns, I dated a guy long-distance who called me weekly and fed me lines about planning our future together. Although we barely knew each other, I acted as if I was immediately off the market and had no interest in dating anyone else. During that time, this guy did not back up his sweet words with reinforcing actions. With my blinders on, I kept focusing on the time when we would live in the same city and become a real couple, ignoring the fact that we lived 1800 miles apart with no plans of moving closer together. It took a huge blow-off for me to finally wake up from my dream and see the relationship for what it was – a fly-by-night affair and not a lasting partnership.

If you have been victim to falling for the dream instead of the real love, you can shift your behavior by simply asking yourself some direct questions.

1. Is there something about him/her that you are afraid to tell your friends?
2. Has this person directly told you where you stood in relationship or are you making assumptions?
3. Does this person only treat you nice when they want something (including sex)?
4. Do you have those inner nudges of doubt that warn you that he or she isn’t the one?
5. Are you afraid to ask where the relationship is going and content with the fantasy?

Your mind has a way of tricking you into seeing something that you want to appear instead of what is really there. Just like overlooking typos in a document, you may tend to bypass the red flags because you want the outcome to be a certain way with a specific person. What you really desire isn’t a pretend boyfriend but the real deal. So, stop wasting your time on someone who doesn’t want the same as you and hiding out in your fantasy.  You deserve to step out and take a chance with someone who can make your dreams come true.

Dreading the holiday season alone?

When I was single, I absolutely dreaded the holidays. Everywhere around me was a reminder that love is everywhere, so much joy and good tidings…except for me. I felt as though there was something really wrong with me that I was uncoupled. Sometimes being placed at the “young adult” table Read more

Dating Advice: 5 Ways to Deal with the Holidays

I know this time of year is the worse time to be single. Whether you just got out of a painful relationship or have been single for years, the holidays are just not very jolly when you are alone. Surrounded by all the happy couples your mind will quickly assume Read more

Single for the Holidays – Tips to Lighten Your Spirit

The holidays are always depressing for singles who truly want to be in a relationship. Many find this time of year to be extremely painful and heartbreaking. It is difficult watching your siblings’ children, new engagement announcements from friends and, worse, listening to the annoying advice you get from your aging relatives on how to find a good man. You may not be able to control having a man on your arm at the holiday gathering, but you can control how your mind thinks about your current fate. Here are some tips to help you keep your chin up and brave through the cold, lonely holidays with grace and ease:

1. Don’t make the holidays such a big deal. Look at Thanksgiving, Christmas, Chanukah, New Year’s, etc. as just days in the year.  When you have great expectations for these events, you will always be disappointed.
2. Don’t fool yourself into thinking that you are broken because you are single. Take a realistic look at the couples around you. Are they really so blissfully happy? Just because they are a couple, doesn’t make them better than you. If you see beyond the surface, you will discover that many of the relationships around you are dysfunctional.  Many singles tend to compare themselves to the couples as if they won a “badge of approval” from the love God. If you look closely, you will see they have other problems and that their life isn’t perfect just because they have a partner.
3. Hold on to the thought that your single life is temporary. This, too, shall pass. You will have many future holidays with the one you love, just think about all you have to look forward to share with each other.  You are going to end up with a great relationship that your married friends and family will probably envy. Just because your ideal partner did not arrive in time for the holidays this year, he could be in your life any day now.
4. Find happy couples all through your holiday season and, instead of being jealous, say to yourself “Yes.”  Your subconscious mind will be programmed to draw you to being a happy couple too.
5. Send yourself the most warm, loving holiday card from your future partner. Find the perfect card and mail it to yourself. Really pretend that your ideal man sent it to you. Bring your visualizations of being a happy couple into the third dimension. Imagination is the key to attracting what you want.

Most of all, enjoy the holiday season this year and avoid wasting your precious time being unhappy. This could be your last holiday you will ever spend alone.

12/2 Release Stress for Holidays Free Teleseminar

Let’s face it: The holidays aren’t necessarily jolly for millions of people. Research shows that this holiday season causes people to experience much more stress and anxiety than the rest of the year. Take heart. Help is on the way! Learn to Relieve Holiday Stress on Dec. 2 at 8 pm EST in a Read more

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